If we only do what we’re familiar with, we might miss what we’ve been made for. ~ Bob Goff
In 1989, one of my favorite movies came out in the theaters. The Dead Poet’s Society. It starred Robin Williams as a young and unconventional English teacher at a very intense all boys private school. The movie gripped me. Moved me. I was 21 at the time, and I can still remember my favorite scene. Robin’s character, Mr. Keating was trying to convince his young and privileged boys to think outside of the box. He wanted to toss aside the text books and to truly experience what it meant to live. So he takes them out of their classroom and straight to the trophy room and begins talking to them.
Now I would like you to step forward over here and peruse some of the faces from the past. You’ve walked past them many times. I don’t think you’ve really looked at them. They’re not that different from you, are they? Same haircuts. Full of hormones, just like you. Invincible, just like you feel. The world is their oyster. They believe they’re destined for great things, just like many of you. Their eyes are full of hope, just like you. Did they wait until it was too late to make from their lives even one iota of what they were capable? Because you see gentlemen, these boys are now fertilizing daffodils. But if you listen real close, you can hear them whisper their legacy to you. Go on, lean in. Listen. Do you hear it? (whispering in a gruff voice) Carpe. Hear it? (whispering) Carpe. Carpe Diem. Seize the day boys. Make your lives extraordinary.
Man, I still get fired up when I think about that scene. I was sharing it with my wife the other day as I was thinking about this intro and I couldn’t hold in my emotions. I think about life. I think about what could be. What could have been.
When I look at my life and the lives of those closest to me, I feel that there are so many things that are missing. I’ve had the privilege to experience a lot of life. Most of it good. Even great at times (like my wedding day and the birth of my kids). I’ve led churches. I’ve traveled overseas a ton. I’ve led organizations. I’ve challenged leaders nationally as well as internationally.
So here’s the deal. We only have one life given to us. We only have a certain amount of time in which we are to live that life. So why do most of us choose the path of least resistance? Why do we feel as though we can’t really make a difference with the life that is given to us? I believe that everyone can “Seize the Day.” I know that this life that we been have given was meant to be extraordinary.
So consider for a moment that those people who were on the path of least resistance were finally given a vision or picture of their lives on a different path. Consider for a moment that what they saw was a path filled with movie scenes of adventure, love (not just romance) and the leading of others. Consider for a moment that underneath those scenes was the voice of John Keating (Robin Williams) saying over and over again, “Carpe. Carpe Diem. Seize the day everyone. Make your lives extraordinary!”
Now, consider for another moment, that those people watching this new vision were all over the world. Old and young. Poor or rich. People who, along the way gave in to mediocrity but are now hoping, dreaming, crying out for something more. It isn’t about a program. It isn’t about some 6 step plan. It’s all about Seizing the life that God has given each of us and believing it to be extraordinary.
Welcome to life. The way it was intended to be lived out.
Today is Thursday. You were meant for more.
Sorry to say that it’s been a few weeks since my last blog post. A lot has happened. And needless to say it hasn’t been overly easy. In fact, it’s been a mess. In my desire to pursue blogging and connecting with people, I’ve also been working on getting my real estate license so that I can work with my wife. Well, that just put a wrench into things. It put a snag in my well laid out plans to be someone of influence. It really was a downright mess. I was frustrated. Annoyed. Mostly cause it was taking way too long to complete. Well, I’m done! I’ve passed the exams. I’ve got my license. Now it’s time to get moving. It’s time to move past the mess.
Then I went for a run today and listened to a podcast from Andy Stanley. It was all about this idea. It was all about being messy. About moving towards the mess, rather than away from it. For most of us, life revolves around people. Our lives, day in and day out involves others. And, let’s be honest. Many of those people are not very neat and tidy (like we are). So, when they enter into our little circles. When they enter into our tidy and organized little worlds, they tend to reek havoc. And…everything in us wants to run in the other direction. Right?
Running is the desire. But is it really the correct course of action? For me, being someone who wants to encourage and inspire others to a life of living, loving and leading, this would be the wrong direction. And, I want to suggest it’s the wrong direction for you too. We are supposed to be engaged. We were meant to be engaged. It’s what we were created for. None of us were designed to be alone. We were, in fact, meant to be fully, 100% in community.
So, as I was running, some things jumped out at me from the podcast. There are 3. Let me give them to you now. You can back later and listen for yourself (here’s the link).
1. Moving Towards The Mess Isn’t Convenient
All of us are busy. Right? Too busy probably. But here’s the deal, being busy isn’t a problem in and of itself. But when we are so busy that we no longer have any margin in our lives for the mess of others, something is wrong. When we cease to have room for others, something is broken. Remember? We were not made to be alone. The mess of others isn’t convenient. It isn’t even all that much fun. But it is vital to who we are.
Here’s a gut check statment:
You’ll know you’re too busy when you see messy people
as inconveniences rather than opportunities
2. We Will Never Meet The Best Version Of Ourselves In Our Comfort Zones.
Let’s be honest. You’re totally squirming right now, right? We all have our comfort zones. And they’re really comfortable!!! Hence the name. But, when we move outside of those boundaries and towards the mess of others, it’s there when our best selves are revealed. Truly!
If we insist on comfortable, boredom is inevitable ~ John Hambrick
3. People Aren’t Projects
This comes down to control. We want what we want, when we want it. You want help? Fine? On my terms! Sound familiar? The people in our lives are NOT projects. They’re people. They’re people who have pain. Flaws. Brokenness. And it’s up to us to enter into their mess and embrace it with them.
Will you be available? Will you be open to embrace the mess around you?
I’m an introvert. I like quiet. I crave alone time. I get distracted and irritated by large crowds and noise. And you know what’s totally crazy? I’m a musician and have been a pastor in some form or fashion for my entire adult life. Both of those categories revolve around crowds, people and noise! Want to know something. I’m kind of exhausted. I’m fried. I feel like I’ve been running into the wind and uphill for a long time. I want more. I want to feel like I’m being intentional. I want to feel like the time I’m spending with people other than my family is important. Ever feel like that?
Even though I function as an introvert, I’ve always felt a strong pull towards making people feel important and special (which is noble in general), but in the midst of those feelings and “good intentions” I tend to lose myself to the business of people pleasing. Sound familiar?
So, here I am. 48+ and wanting something different. Wanting something…more. Intentional. Adventurous. Unconditional.
Thankfully these feelings haven’t sent me looking for a younger, hotter woman (I married the younger, hotter woman!).
What the feelings and thoughts have pushed me to is towards processing what is important and who is important in my life.
Here’s what I think. Here’s what I know. Who you surround youself with is more important than how many! Did you hear that? For all of you who think that quantity of friendships out way quality you need to stop. Now! I know that you don’t want to hurt feelings. I know that you want to be nice. Friendly. But that’s not the same thing as being intentional.
I’m a follower and disciple of Jesus. Want to know something about him? He really only had a tight group of 12 people that he spent time with. And even then, there were only 3 really, really tight friends. No matter what you think about Christianity, Jesus knew what he was doing. He knew that to be truly intentional. To be truly influential, you needed to narrow the amount of influence those around you had. Because when you did that, your influence would grow.
Here’s what I’m doing in this season.
- I’m pausing – from expending unnecessary energy in relationships that aren’t reciprocal.
- I’m processing – what I want/need from the relationships/friendships that I believe are important
- I’m pursuing – those relationships that have come through the process
I know that many of you right now are squirming. You’re squirming because you think that this is being mean and harsh and selfish. You know what? It probably is…just a little. But again. Here’s the deal. Jesus. The great historical teacher and philosopher was intentional about who he surrounded himself with (and I believe He was more than those things). When we are thoughtful about our relationships. When we are truly, truly intentional about who we allow in to our lives, life will honestly be better. Grander. More full of purpose. So? Are you in? Let’s be about intentionality. Let’s be about purpose.
Do you hear voices? It’s ok if you do. I do too. All the time. Are your voices positive or negative? Honestly? Mine tend to be mostly negative. “You’re not good enough.” “You’re not a good husband or father.” “You’re fat.” “You can’t do that job.” Sound familiar? I’m going to suggest that 100% of humanity struggles with IVS or Internal Voice Syndrome (my own label). It sucks. Really. But it’s part of our reality and either we fight the voices or give in to them.
My thoughts? Fight the voices.
As I was running on the treadmill today I watched a podcast with Michael Hyatt around this subject and it connected with me in a serious way. So, let me flesh out some of what Michael talked about (I’ll also put a link to Michael’s podcast at the end of this post).
So let’s go. What do we do about the voices? What do we do about the negative internal monologue that we all wrestle with? Let me give you 5 steps.
- Acknowledge the voice(s) – the sooner we recognize that there are competing voices speaking/shouting at us regarding who we are, the sooner we will be able to fight back. What are the voices saying? See if any of these sound familiar. “I’m a terrible parent.” “I can’t be a single parent.” “Who will ever marry me?” “I’m not smart enough for the this job or promotion.” “I’m fat.” “I’m not pretty.” “I’m not good at tests.” “I’m stupid.” Anything sound familiar?
- Journal what the voice(s) are saying. Keeping a record of what’s being said can help us in fighting the negative narration. When we write them down and then acknowledge them, we can then reject them. Reject them for the lies that they truly are. Did you read that? Whatever is negative. Whatever is against who you truly are are simply lies. So reject them with every fiber of your being.
- Evaluate the stories. Is it life-giving or not. Is is empowering or not? Bottom line? If the narration isn’t FOR you, don’t listen to it. DON’T. LISTEN. TO. IT.
- Write down a different story. What do you want your story to be? What are your dreams and aspirations? What do you want to be different? What do you want for your family? Grab a journal. Write those things down. Flesh them out. Share them with someone closest to you. This is key. You need a new story. I need a new story. One that makes sense. One that breathes life. And honestly, you deserve a new, great story. You were created to have one. So go for it!
- Listen to the new story. Believe the new narrative. Repeat it to yourself. When the “bad” narration starts, speak the new one. Use the new narrative as a defense against the bad one.
Your life matters! You were made to be extraordinary! You were made to have a purpose. Today is the day to take a step toward that life.
Here’s the link to the Michael Hyatt podcast. Michael Hyatt
Question: What voices have you been listening to? Are you tired of the lies yet?
There’s a word that I kind of hate. Want to know what it is? Well, you don’t have a choice. Here it is. Authenticity. There you go. I’ve confessed. With my confession let’s talk about the first one. Authenticity. I hate it. Really. It’s so over rated. It’s so misconstrued. And yet it’s part of our culture. “I like them, they’re SO authentic.” Give me a break. I want to hurl.
What’s the deal with authenticity? Tons of people want it. Most don’t have a clue of what it means. An in all honesty and transparency — I don’t either. But I do have some thoughts. Let’s start with some Shakespeare
[shareable]This above all: To thine own self be true, And it must follow, as the night the day, Thou canst not then be false to any man. – Hamlet, Shakespeare[/shareable]
Your friends and family all struggle with this one. Being authentic. Being real is kind of tough. Cause when you show your weaknesses. When you show that your feelings can get hurt, people don’t know how to handle it. Maybe they’ll respond by mocking you.
Here’s a little secret. Everyone struggles. Everyone has hurts and pain. We all struggle with being scared. We all struggle with having negative or bad thoughts. When we don’t allow people into our hurt and fear this happens. How you respond in those times will help you know what kind of leader you will be.
There was a really popular song on itunes and the radio. My kids sing it like crazy. There’s even a Minecraft version of it. It’s called Demons by Imagine Dragons. Now, this song isn’t about devils that are red and have horns and a pitchfork. It is about how we all struggle and how we need to be real with the people around us. Here are some of the lyrics:
“When the days are cold
And the cards all fold
And the saints we see
Are all made of gold
I wanna hide the truth
I wanna shelter you
But with the beast inside
There’s nowhere we can hide
When you feel my heat
Look into my eyes
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide
Don’t get too close
It’s dark inside
It’s where my demons hide
It’s where my demons hide”
Being authentic. Being real means that we let people see us just as we are. Big scary warts and all!
Here’s the deal around this. There’s no middle ground with authenticity. Either you are authentic or you’re not. And, what I know about authenticity is that people prefer it over being fake. They may not initially agree, but eventually they will.
So, what kind of leader do you want to be? My guess is that you’re telling yourself that you want to be authentic. You want to be real. Don’t we all? But our inner desire and reality are very, very different.
Question: What is it about you that’s keeping you from being from authentic and real? What are you willing to do to get there?